Let’s begin with ‘no one’ is a perfect partner. Marriage is a journey and depends on a number of skills, including the ability to understand yourself, to understand your partner, how to fight fairly, how to effectively problem solve, and how to negotiate differences. Quite often the patterns we learned from our families of origin are not effective but have been carried over to our marriages. And sometimes, it is the stresses of life that make it difficult to stay happily married.

The ‘good news’ is given a willingness to work on the relationship most couples can make their marriages satisfying again. This requires a rebuilding of skills that work within a marriage, such as learning to communicate effectively, how to problem solve, and how to fight fairly without engaging in too much hurt. This is about learning to see one another as the individuals we are, to understand where ‘the other’ is coming from and to negotiate the differences. This is about seeing the differences that can be negotiated and accept those that cannot.

Marital distress is different from the regular ups and downs of life that many couples experience. These couples feel fundamentally dissatisfied with their relationships and/or marriages. The disappointment in the relationship doesn’t just come and go – it becomes a constant companion. Generally, these couples fight a good deal without resolution, leading to the sense of being worn out ‘I can’t do this anymore – it is too much!’ Then, there are those couples who simply may not fight and feel disconnected. They stop doing nice things for each other, they stop communicating to one another, and their life tends to go from bad to worse. The frequent arguments go unresolved, there is a loss of good feelings, there is a loss of friendship, of sex, and vitality. These are all signs that the marriage is in distress.

Contempt, withdrawal, violence, a complete loss of connection are all signals that the marriage is in desperate trouble and at a high risk for divorce. There are other problems that may arise from individual issues such as substance abuse, or a shattering event like an extramarital affair. These have powerful effects on both partners, which can lead to worry, great sadness, high levels of tension, anxiety, and other problems such as depression.

As couples we all have key issues that stay with us. The solution to unlocking these processes is finding and building effective communication skills, learning how to talk about these issues, how to find the solutions, and not have problems that emerge from our lives that become overwhelming. My goal in ‘couples work’ is to build a mutual respect and the freedom for each person to be ‘who they are.’ To accomplish this goal, we work together to increase the communication skills between each of you within the relationship and identify the issues that are causing dissatisfaction within the relationship. You will learn how to negotiate your way through the difficult situations, while building mutual respect for one another. Practices on how you can be more loving to one another will be built upon.

I am on the side of the relationship when working with couples. I am not on the side of either of the individuals in the couple. During couples’ sessions my work is geared toward resolving the issues that interfere with you having the fulfilling relationship you deserve. With this I am willing to serve.

SESSION LENGTH 90 MINUTES